Prior to (形容詞:之) this past summer, as if I could describe myself then, it’d probably be: a spoiled (形容詞: 嬌寵), quiet, whiny (形容詞:常發牢騷的,愛抱怨) teenager. I was always anxious about getting new things—expensive things. I remember constantly asking my mother: “ Hey mom, can I get an Armani watch? I want those Ray Ban sunglasses for Christmas. Can you buy me a Porshe 911 for my birthday?” The things I had never seemed to be enough for me.
Over the summer, I jointed a summer program, namely, Project Ascent, and went to a place. There was where I felt my heart change the most.
The day we arrived at Bethany Home—a home for the mentally challenged—was a dread (名詞:可怕,令人擔憂). They being mentally challenged gave me a sense of dignity (名詞:尊嚴,體面) and superiority (名詞:優越) amongst those in the Bethany Home. I walked in with an arrogant (形容詞:傲慢) attitude and was disgusted (動詞:生厭) with the place. I thought to myself, “God, when will this be over?” The environment and the people there made me feel uneasy. Being the quiet person of the group, I felt like I was a stranger (名詞:陌生人) to everyone. It was hot, it smelled, there was not phone signal, I had no friends, and I couldn’t speak Chinese. If you were a spoiled teen like me, you would be agitated (形容詞:緊張不安).
After settled down and I realized that we were having a Happy Night that evening, I wanted to cry. What can I do to avoid the Happy Night? Luckily for me, our coach asked me to go with her to 7-11 and buy snacks for everybody. That at least took some time off Happy Night. At least that was what I thought. But when I got back to the home they hadn’t even begun Happy Night. I slowly put on my CCHC t-shirt and walked downstairs. Well. After introducing ourselves, we started our activities. For the past 3 hours, I awkwardly (形容詞:笨拙地,無技巧地) mimicked (動詞:模擬) the rest of my group members.
That night, I could not sleep. Anxiety was the only thing that kept me awake—except for the lizard I found next to my bed.
The second day at Bethany Home was the day that I felt I was moved the most. I woke up frustrated and nervous that morning. I was assigned to help sweep and mop down the building, along with a few other kids who lived in the home. I didn’t want to spend my day with these kids. I was actually embarrassed (動詞:難堪的,尷尬的) to find out that I did not even know how to use a mop. The whole time I was cleaning, I thought to myself: Don’t these kids ever mind the smell? Cleaning toilets? How do they live in an environment like this? Why are they always smiling? I couldn’t get my head around it and it had me questioning throughout the day.
I eventually developed friendly relationships with my workmates and finally acclimated (動詞:適應) to the new environment. I was amazed by how joyful and grateful they were for what they had. It made me feel ashamed (形容詞:羞愧) of myself for taking everything I had at home for granted. These people were abandoned by their parents—parents who refused to love them. I, on the other hand, have the most loving parents back at home, but I realized that I never showed them any love in return. I had everything I could possibly want, but that still wasn’t enough.
Everyone at Bethany Home even had their own responsibilities to do everyday, but not one complaint did I hear coming from them. They had and owned nothing. Yet, when I look at them, I see smiling faces, I see happiness. I see love. But they had something in their heart that I didn’t have—God.
I stayed up that night thinking to myself: When was the last time I did something for my parents? When was the last time I spoke to God? I should have helped my parents around the house more. I should have paid more attention to them when they were talking to me. I should have showed gratitude (名詞:感激) to my family when they did things for me. I should have said I love you.
I can truly say I have gained a lot from this past experience that not only gave me a new perspective (名詞:觀點) in life, but allowed me to become a better person. When I remember at the smiling faces of those who have little, it makes me reflect upon myself and encourages me to be more grateful for the things I have. I finally understand how much God and my parents have given to me. And how much love they have shown me, that I haven’t returned. I decided that night that I was going to try my best to make a change: to express love and gratitude to those who love and care for me. To appreciate the things I had in life and not to become anxious about what I wear, or eat, or buy. I know that without my family, without God, I would be nothing.
◎ Nathan, 14 years old
暑假以前的我，是個安靜、愛抱怨、被寵壞的少年人。我常常渴望得到一些新的、昂貴的東西。記憶所及，我會不斷地問媽媽：「媽，我可以有一個(Armani) 阿瑪利(義大利品牌)的腕錶嗎？我想要雷朋(Ray-Ban)的太陽眼鏡作聖誕節禮物。您可不以送一輛保時捷911 (Porshe)給我做生日禮物？」
這個暑假，我參加了一個名為展翅計劃的暑期活動，走訪了一個改變了我的地方！
到達伯特利兒童之家，一所為智障人仕而設的收容所的那天，一方面令我擔驚受怕；另一方面，讓我覺得自己很優越。我持著傲慢的態度步進這個讓我覺得很噁心的地方。心想：「神啊，什麼時候我可以走。」這裡的人和環境都令我很不自在。作為一個比較安靜的人，我覺得每個組員都視我為陌生人。這裡很熱，又有一股氣味，沒電話訊號、沒有朋友，我又不能說中文。如果您像我是個被嬌壞的青少年，你也會渾身不安。
安頓後，當我發覺我們要帶領一個名為「歡樂夜」的活動，我真的很想哭。心想我怎樣可以避過這活動呢？還好，導師請我跟她一起去買點心給大家吃。我以為可以把帶聚會的時間減少一點點，回來才知道，活動還沒有開始。在無可奈何之下，我慢慢地穿上制服，走下樓梯。自我介紹以後，活動就開始了。往後的三個小時，我只是笨手笨腳地嘗試跟著其他組員步伐。
那一夜，我不能入睡。除了在床邊那隻蜥蜴以外，焦慮是讓我失眠的元兇。
在伯特利的第二天，是最讓我感動的。在困惑和焦慮中醒過來的我，被編排和幾個校內學生一起去做打掃，我是心不甘、情不願的。當我發現自己連掃帚也不會使用時，我就更感到難堪。做清潔的過程中，我一直在想：這些孩子難道真的不介意那些味道嗎？洗馬桶？他們怎麼可以住在這樣的環境中居位？為什麼他們老是在微笑？這些讓我想不通的問題整天在我腦海裡盤旋。
我終於跟組員們建立起友誼來，也慢慢地適應了那個地方。學生們的喜樂，為所擁有而感恩的那份態度，令我感到驚嘆的同時，也讓我無地自容。因為我總把在家裡所有的一切看作理所當然的。這些孩子都是被父母遺棄的。他們的父母並不願意去愛他們。而我，擁有一雙對我無微不至的父母，卻從不曾向他們回報過一點愛。我擁有我所渴望得到的一切，卻仍然不滿足。
伯特利的每一個學生，都有自己的職責，我卻從沒有從他們那裡聽到任何的埋怨。他們一無所有，然而，從他們身上，我看到笑臉，我看到喜樂，我看到愛。但，他們擁有的我卻沒有，那就是神。那夜，我沒有睡，我在想：什麼時候我為父母做過一些事？上次跟神說話又是什麼時侯呢？我應該多幫父母做點家事。當他們跟我說話的時候，我該多留意他們。當家人為我做事時，我該感激他們。我該跟他們說聲我愛您！
我由衷地說，在這裡的經歷，真的讓我獲益良多。它不但使我對人生有了新的洞悉，也讓我成為一個更好的人。每當我想起那一張張擁有很少，卻燦爛非常的笑臉，我會提醒自己要為所有的感恩。我終於明白神及我父母賜予我的實在不可勝數！多少愛是我從未回饋的！那個晚上，我決定，我會盡力作出改變，我要對那些關愛我的人，表達謝意和愛。我要欣賞我所有的，我不會再為穿的、吃的憂慮。我終於明白：如果不是神、不是我的家人，我根本一無所有。
◎ 翻譯：秦黃業玲