A few weeks ago I went on a road trip across the country with two of my friends. As I reflected through parts of the trip, there was one comment that I remembered very clearly. I can’t remember the exact context, but one of my friends said something along the lines of “Wow, we’re so incredibly small in this big world!” She’s right, we’re so incredibly small in this vast world that God has created. I made a comment with a nod toward that sentiment (名詞: 情操、情意), but now it seems that there was another message that God was trying to communicate to me.
During the weeks preceding (形容詞: 之前、在前面的) is road trip and following my missions trip, I had been vacationing (動詞: 渡假) and distracting (動詞: 分散注意力) myself from the inevitable reality that I would eventually have to return to my responsibilities; the real world was waiting for me right around the corner. The road trip was essentially (副詞:本質上、大體上) an extension (擴大,伸展) ; of my postponement (名詞：延期, 延緩) of responsibilities, but in the back of my mind I knew that I had some important decisions that I would have to make. I had granted my marriage and family therapist intern number, and jobs to apply for. I was trying to decide whether I would stay in the states or try to work abroad for a while – if I stayed in the states, should I stay in LA or move to another part of California? I needed to figure out how I was going to manage and lead the church small groups I was in charge of. Honestly, if I had the option, I would just choose to keep traveling and not worry about anything. I felt a bit overwhelmed and this pressure was unfamiliar (形容詞：陌生的; 不常見的) to me.
As I looked over the wonders of Yellowstone, from the exploding geysers to the regenerative forests, and from the deep blue clarity (形容詞: 清楚, 透明) of the hot springs to the lush green (形容詞：蔥鬱; 葱郁) and glimmering(形容詞: 閃爍)gold of the expansive(形容詞：易擴張的, 廣闊的) plains, it was impossible to escape God’s physical reminder of awesome(形容詞：引起敬畏的) He is. Yet, my heart was distracted by the worries that occupied the back of my mind like a gloomy storm cloud (名詞: 陰鬱的烏雲). Somehow, despite being far from the worries of “real life” I could not be still and allow my soul to soak in the fullness God’s glory displayed. But as I look through the pictures and try to recreate the experience in my mind, even the residual (形容詞: 剩餘的,殘留的) wonder reminds me that, despite my divided attention, the God that created all of this is also working the details of my life to reflect a bit of that glory as well. And so I find rest in being just a small speck (名詞: 斑點) in this universe, because it reminds me of how great my God is, how fleeting (形容詞: 短暫的、飛逝的) my struggles are, and most importantly how amazing it is to be loved and cared for anyway.
“Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing. Look at the birds of the air: the neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Matthew 6:25-29
幾個星期之前，我和兩位朋友，做了個橫跨美國的自駕旅行。回想起來，最叫我記憶猶新的是友人的一句話。我已忘了當時的談話內容，只記得他那句話的大概意思 –「 在浩瀚的世界中，我們實在太渺少！」她是對的，在神所創造的這個巨大的世界裡，人實在非常渺小。我點一點頭，表示同意。然而，今日，神似乎藉這句話來跟我說話。
在短宣之後，這個自駕遊之前的幾個星期，我一直在渡假，希望藉此分散自己的注意力，不去想那逃不掉的現實，暫時放下自己該負的責任。然而，現實世界就一直在拐彎處等待著我。自駕遊，本質上只是我推延責任的另一個藉口而已。但，在我的腦海中，我知道我必須要做一些重要的決定。我已經拿到婚姻家庭治療實習師的號碼，我要著手申請工作： 我在掙扎，究竟要留在美國、還是出國工作一會兒；如果留在美國，我應否留在洛城，或是搬遷到加州別的城市去？作為教會小組長，我需要找出管理及帶領小組的方法。坦白說，如果可以選擇，我會什麼都不想，繼續我的旅行。因為，我感到有點不勝負荷，而這種壓力對我來說，是頗為陌生的。
遠眺黃石公園的奇景，從噴湧的間歇泉，到再生的森林；從蔚藍清澈的溫泉，到蓊郁、金光閃燦、一望無際的平原，神都在提醒我，衪是何等大而可畏的神。然而，像陰鬱烏雲般的憂慮卻籠罩著我的思緒，分散了我的心思。不知何故，雖然我遠離了「現實生活」的憂慮，但，我仍然不能讓我的靈浸泡在神所彰顯的榮耀中。然而，當我重溫那些照片，嘗試重塑那些經驗的這一刻，那些殘留的奇觀，在在都提醒著我，儘管我並不專心，創造這一切的神，正在我的生命中作工，好叫我的生命也能反映出衪的榮光。想到這裡，我终於能安靜下來，因為，雖然我只是這宇宙中的一點微塵，它卻告訴我，我的神是何等偉大，而我的掙扎就如過眼雲煙。而最重要，最叫我訝異的是—無論在何光景，神仍然愛我、關懷我！
「所以我告訴你們，不要為生命憂慮吃什麼喝什麼，為身體憂慮穿什麼。生命不勝於飲食嗎？身體不勝於衣裳嗎？ 你們看那天上的飛鳥，也不種也不收，也不積蓄在倉裡，你們的天父尚且養活牠，你們不比飛鳥貴重得多嗎？ 27 你們哪一個能用思慮使壽數多加一刻呢？ 何必為衣裳憂慮呢？你想野地裡的百合花怎麼長起來，它也不勞苦，也不紡線， 然而我告訴你們：就是所羅門極榮華的時候，他所穿戴的還不如這花一朵呢！」(馬太福音6:25-29)
◎ Jed Chun ◎ 翻譯：秦黃業玲