As I was scrolling (動詞:翻捲) through Facebook the other day, I came across a photo of a man and a little boy, and the caption read, “Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a daddy.” The quote (名詞:引述) struck me for a second, particularly because there was no one to which the quote was accredited (形容詞:正式認可的), but mostly because it sounded redundant. (形容詞:冗長). Is being a “father” not equivalent to being a “daddy”? What exactly are the differences?
By definition, a father is a man who has a child or children. Without getting into all the biological (形容詞:生理的) processes (名詞:過程) that need to occur for a man to have a child, this definition is quite simple, literal (名詞:字面,本義), and to the point. Any man can be a parent, if they choose and put the effort into being one. The word “father” holds in itself an air of authority and formality (名詞:形式). For a child to address their father with “father” shows utmost (形容詞:極度) respect with an ounce of rightful fear. To be a “father” simply means being in a position superior (形容詞:強,超) to that of their biological offspring (名詞:後裔), and the kind of responsibility that comes with that title is minima l (形容詞:最低限度).
On the other hand, the word “daddy” holds a very different connotation (名詞:涵義 ). “Daddy” is something a child is more likely to say and call their father; in fact, I still do that to my dad today, and I’m a college graduate. “Daddy” has a definite (形容詞:具體,明確) tone of familiarity (名詞:親切) and safety attached to it, for a son or daughter would call someone by that name if they had a deeply personal relationship with that person. From the father’s perspective, to be a “daddy” requires him to not only humble himself, but to also visibly (副詞:看得見地) display his emotions (名詞:感情) and affection (名詞:愛意) in front of his children. This kind of transparency (名詞:透明度) (名詞:定調) helps build that tone of familiarity and safety I mentioned before so that a father’s children can truly know who he is.
This is where the idea of “being a real man” comes into play. Never mind what society or the media says about being a “real man”. What makes a man real is to be truthful about the way he feels, especially toward his children. His love for his children must never falter, for even when times and conflict make it hard for him to love his children, a father can choose to be a daddy by opening up about the way he currently feels in order to show his children that he is struggling but that he ultimately loves them. Being real means being authentic, not authoritative (形容詞:有權威,名正言順). It means being genuine and honest, even to the point of vulnerability (名詞:弱點,易受傷).
The greatest example that shows the difference between a father and a daddy comes in Jesus’ relationship with his Heavenly Father. Moments before his crucifixion, Jesus spoke and prayed to his Father in the Garden of Gethsemane, saying, “Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mark 14:36, NIV). The Hebrew word abba is actually closer to “daddy”. He spoke it from the viewpoint of a child, a child who understood that his Father knew what was best for him and that He would follow through to the end.
前幾天在瀏覽「臉書」時，無意中看到一幅一個男士和一個小男孩的照片。照片的標題是：每個男人都可以成為父親，但，只有真正的男人，才能成為爸爸。我被那標題愣住了，一方面是因為這句話不知道出自何處，更重要的是它讀出來有點累贅。「父親」不就是「爹地」嗎？兩者有什麼區別？
父親的定義是一個擁有孩子的男人。無需詳细的從生理的角度去解釋，一個男人怎樣可以有屬於自己的孩子，非常直接了當地從字面上去看，任何一個男人，只要他們願意並付出努力，基本上都可以成為父母。「父親」這個字，是很名正言順，並蘊涵了一定的權威。當一個小孩用「父親」來尊稱自己的父親時，表示他對父親非常敬重，甚至有點兒懼怕。作為「父親」，就是在親生骨肉面前，有超然的地位的同時，也有某程度上的責任。
另一方面，「爹地」卻有完全不一樣的涵義。一般小孩都喜歡以此來稱呼自己的父親。事實上，雖然我已大學畢業，我還是這樣叫我的爸爸。「爹地」明顯地帶有親情和安全的語調。當兒女們跟父親有很深厚的個人關係時，他們就會稱父親為「爹地」。從父親的角度來看，作為「爹地」，他不但要放下自己的身段，更要在兒女面前，顯露他的感情和愛意。這樣的透明度，如我所說，會增進兒女與父親之間的情誼和關係，讓孩子能真正了解父親是誰。
這也就是「真正的男人」發揮效力的地方。不管社會或傳媒怎樣來定義「真正的男人」，一個真正的男人，應該是一個能在孩子面前赤露敞開的人。他對孩子的愛是永遠不會含糊不清的。縱然在某些時段、有某些衝突，令他很難去愛他的孩子，然而，他仍然能透過向兒女們表達他當時的感受、他的掙扎，以及他對他們不離不棄的愛，而成為孩子的「爹地」。真，就是真實無偽，不是名正言順。真，是縱然會易受責難、甚至成為攻擊的對像，仍要以坦誠、真摯待人。
把「父親」和「爹地」的分別表達得最淋漓盡致的實例，就是耶穌和天父之間的關係。被釘十字架以前，耶穌在客西馬尼園向父神禱告，說：「阿爸，父阿，在你凡事都能，求你將這杯撤去；然而不要從我的意思，只要從你的意思。」(馬可福音14章36節) 。希伯來文的阿爸(Abba) 的意思，非常接近「爹地」。耶穌是從一個孩子的身份來說這句話。衪明白到只有父親才知道什麼是對衪最好的，因此，衪會跟隨衪的天父到底。
◎ Vincent ◎ 翻譯：秦黃業玲