I don’t know how birds feel when they are forced to leave their nests, but when it was my time to take off to college I was exuberant (形容詞:熱情洋溢). Don’t get me wrong, I love my family; I just couldn’t wait to be free from their supervision. Some perks (名詞:好處,益處) of moving out included: no more having to ask for permission to leave the house, no more curfews (名詞:宵禁令), no one to nag (動詞:嘮叨) me to clean, and no more arguments with my parents. As a teenager, I really wanted to be independent, but in hindsight (名詞:後知後覺), I realize there are various (形容詞:許多) degrees of independency, and to be quite honest, I am thankful of where I am right now in terms of being “on my own.”
In the individualist society we live in, being able to take care of yourself and make your own decisions is a basic requirement of adulthood. I believe I am an independent person, but when it comes to finances I am very grateful (形容詞:感激的) that I’m not. No matter how much I’d like to believe I can take care of myself, there’s no way I can afford (動詞:支付) to live comfortably without the aid of my parents. If I had to pay for college, rent, insurance, food, and a cell phone with internet (just to name a few things), I would either have to drop out of school or take out a bunch of loans (名詞:借款).
For most college students, I feel there is a sense of pride to not fully depend on our parents. In terms of financial independency, I know students that would rather take out loans than to ask their parents for money. On the opposite side of the spectrum (名詞:光譜,範圍), I also know people that spend their parents’ money without a second thought. For me, I fit somewhere in the middle. I believe it’s okay to financially lean on parents/guardians (if they don’t mind it). For example, my parents take care of rent and tuition while I work to pay for the little things like food, gas, and clothes. I think there’s a lot of pride in being financially independent, but honestly, I don’t think the structure of the U.S. economy makes that possible for students. Nonetheless, there are other aspects of independency, for instance, being self-sufficient (名詞:自供自給) in emotional regulation (名詞:規定,規則)
In college, I’ve met a lot of people that had emotional breakdowns because of grades, homesickness, and other college-related things. It’s totally normal for people to be emotional, but I believe one of the most important aspects of growing up is being able to mentally (形容詞:心智上) regulate oneself. Figuring out (動詞:想出,找出) how to manage emotions, friendships, physical health, and overall lifestyle is all part of being an adult. Personally, I don’t like to burden others with my problems. I might explain certain situations with my friends, but I don’t normally ask for help unless I truly need it. From my observations (名詞:觀察) , there are many people that ask for help before facing it first themselves; on the flip side, being too independent is also an issue. There is a fine line in being independent: it is knowing when to challenge yourself and when to ask for help.
Another aspect of being independent is deciding when to claim your life as your own. I’ve heard many students say, “I’m only studying insert-major-here because my parents want me to,” or “because it makes good money.” I think it’s alright if your parents are paying for your tuition and they want you to study a certain field, but one of these days you’re going to realize that you’re unhappy and/or complacent, and you’ll want to live for yourselves. For me, happiness comes from doing things that I like doing—not things that I’ve been taught or told to like.
To keep things simple, my advice (for what it’s worth) is for everyone, college student or not, to develop into the person you want to be and find out what you want to do with your life. Independence is all about making wise and responsible decisions, and I’m thankful that my parents have funded me to make many decisions for myself at the University of California.
不知道鳥兒被迫離巢遠飛的時候，有什麼感覺，但，離家上大學的那一刻，我卻是雀躍不已。不要誤會，我非常愛我的家，我只是按捺不住，很嚮往不受「監管」的日子。離家的好處包括：出門不需拿許可證、沒有宵禁令、沒有人纏著我要打掃、不需要跟父母爭論。青少年時代的我，真的很想獨立，然而，回頭一看，我發現獨立原來是有許多層面的。說實話，就「靠自己」這方面來說，我對現況，還是蠻感恩的。
在我們身處的這個高舉個人主義的社會，要成大成人，最基本的要求就是能自己作主，自己照顧自己。我是個非常獨立的人，但談到經濟，我很感激，我還沒有獨立自主。不管我多麼想說服自己，我能好好照顧自己，事實上，沒有父母的資助，我跟本沒辦法過一個這樣安舒的生活。如果我要付學費、租金、保險、食物和互聯網的流動電話…等，我要不就是輟學，要不就是要貸款。
我覺得有許多大學生，會以不依靠父母為傲。以經濟獨立為例，我認識一些學生，寧願借貸，也不要問父母拿錢。另外，我也知道有些人，想也不想地胡亂揮霍父母的錢。而我，恰好在中間。我相信在經濟上依賴父母，如果他們不介意的話，是可以接受的。以我為例，學費和租金都是父母提供的，至於食物、汽油和衣服等零碎的開支，則是用自己的工資來支付。我相信經濟上的獨立自主，確實是件讓人引以為傲的事。可是，就現時的美國經濟架構來看，說實話，對學生來說，是件遙不可及的事。此外，獨立是可以從不同的角度來闡釋的，譬如，在情感的管理上能揮灑自如。
在大學裡，我遇到好些會因為成績、想家或其他與大學有關的事，導至情緒崩潰。人皆有情緒化的時候，這是非常正常的。但，我相信長大的其中一個重要表徵，就是要能管理個人的心智。懂得怎樣去管理個己的情緒、友誼、身體健康和整體的生活模式，是長大成人的一都份。我是個不太喜歡讓自己的困難成為別人的負擔的人。我會跟朋友們解釋某些狀況，但，除非我真的需要，一般來說，我甚少向人求助。可是，根據我的觀察，許多人還沒有正式面對自己的困難之前，已經先求助於人。反過來說，過份獨立也同樣是個問題。獨立是很微妙的，那就是懂得什麼時候的自己發出挑戰，什麼時候向人求助。
獨立的另一個表徵，就是決定自己要走的路。我聽到好些學生說：「我選修這科系，是因為我的父母要我這樣做」「我可以賺錢。」如果你的學費是由父母支付，他們希望你主修某個科系，是無可厚非的。但，總有一天，你會發現自己並不快樂、或是並不滿足，你希望能為自己而活。我的快樂是來自做我喜歡的事，而不是做一些別人教我、或是告訴我去喜歡的事。
簡單來說，不管你是否是大學生，我的忠告是，找出你自己想要過的人生，培養自己成為一個自己想要成為的人。獨立自主的定義，是能夠做出精明和負責任的決定。
在此，我感謝父母，為我締造一個環境，以致我能在加州這裡，為自己做出許多的決定！
◎ Joshua ( College Jr.) ◎ 翻譯：秦黃業玲